Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How does it feel to date your dad?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
