Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
