Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can I color on your dick again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
