yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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