Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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