why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
