nut hugger
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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