I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
