oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
