u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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