its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
