Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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