Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
