One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
