when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
