I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
