I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
