You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
