Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
