guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
