i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
