i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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