I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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