3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
