I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
