Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
