you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
