I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
