It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
