connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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