Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
