I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
