You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
