I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
