3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
