I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
