I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
