yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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