You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
