Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
