hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
