My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this just has baby written all over it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
