Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
