My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
