the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
