so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
