My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
