i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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