I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
