very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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