I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
